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So upset right now

September 19th, 2014 at 09:08 am

I can't even comprehend this. My mom has disappointed me before, but this time, I'm pretty sure it's irreparable (only in the financial sense, she's still my mom after all). She was borrowing money from her sister and asked if she could use the credit card I gave her for emergencies only to pay what she needed because my aunt's loan was being finalized. Although very reluctant, I agreed under the explicit understanding that she would pay the credit card off in full prior to the next cycle. Since I had not heard anything about it in a week or so, and she was still charging to it, I asked the other night. She said my aunt got less than anticipated and therefore, she could only pay about half of it back. EXCUSE ME?!?!?! I worked so hard for 6 months to get myself out of credit card debt and have not carried a balance since December of last year. I was really upset and tried explaining that as rationally as I could. Her response, 'well I'm sorry.' While I understand that, I knew I shouldn't have trusted her and she once again let me down. I made it very clear that this would never happen again. And as she hung up, she said 'I just won't rely on you anymore' in a sad, guilt-inducing voice. It only makes me madder that she's trying to make me feel bad for being angry at her!

I'm determined to never pay credit card interest again and since she messed up, rather than touch my emergency fund, I've decided that the remaining payment is coming out of the Vegas trip, specifically the money I budgeted for her to gamble with. This trip is for my mom and I want her to have a good time, but right now, I don't even want to be around her.

11 Responses to “So upset right now”

  1. CB in the City Says:

    I have a family member who is difficult in this way, too. My way to deal with her is to NEVER give her a credit card, or a loan. I will make gifts to her, only when I want to, and not when I'm being coerced. If I consider it a gift, I don't worry about being paid back. That way I'm still helping her, but on my terms.

  2. ceejay74 Says:

    I'm the same as CB. My partner's mom would suck every penny away and still be in trouble if we gave her the opening to ask more. We only "loan" her money when we can afford not to get it back -- because we never do, not a cent, despite her promises.

  3. crazyliblady Says:

    I agree with CB and ceejay. By allowing her to have an authorized user credit card on your account, you are enabling the problem to continue and your credit may suffer for it. She sounds like someone who will not pony up what she should pay when she gets it. She may be your mother after all, but you don't have to put yourself in financial jeopardy for her mistakes.

  4. Petunia 100 Says:

    Well, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she hasn't handled her own finances responsibly. If she had, she would have her own credit card. So, if her own finances are not important to her, yours aren't going to be, either.

    Does she intend to repay you over time, or are you just out of luck?

  5. snafu Says:

    It's clear you're angry just now, but later when you've had time to digest all the facts, 1st check on line to view the damage. If the billing cycle has closed, how much has mom charged, to be paid by the next due date and of course how much had you used? At the same time you can verify charges yet to come for the next billing cycle.

    Can I be blunt? I understand the culture but helping each other is a two way street. Your mom has a long history of successfully getting others to be responsible and make certain she gets her 'wants.' With a CC in her hand she sees no reason for financial self control. There is a reason for her not having CCs of her own. There is a reason for her negative credit rating.

    2nd it's important to wrest back the charge card you've given mom and notify the CC billing office that she is no longer an authorized user both by phone and email to create a paper trail...if that is your intention long term. Fact is, you know from long experience that mom will spend and count on others to pay...as she is successful with that behaviour. Perhaps mom can persuade aunt to pay your bill. It will be presented in that light even though mom did the charging! Sometime in the future you'll discover what was bought and why and it will make you angry all over again. Would it help to start every sentence with 'I love you mom, but I'll no longer pay your way!'

    You know you were coerced into the LV trip by your manipulative mom. You had written a plan to pay off your car and created other streams of income to insure that goal. Instead you'll pay for brother's meals, mom's souvenirs, gambling and entertainment, sadly all short lived.

  6. creditcardfree Says:

    Good plan to take the money from what you were going to give her for gambling. I do agree with everyone else's statements too for what that is worth.

  7. My English Castle Says:

    Me too! Since it seems like she has problems with impulse control, is a gambling trip a good idea for her?

  8. PatientSaver Says:

    Your mother is a manipulator. It is galling to me that she would 1. take advantage of your good credit that way and 2. try to make you feel guilty about it later.

    I don't know anything about this trip you're paying for me, but if it was me, I would pull back and spend the money on things you want.

    She may be your mother, but you are not her keeper, and as your parent, she should know better!

  9. frugaltexan75 Says:

    Yep, this is why my mom doesn't know everything about my finances. And she would never ever have a chance to touch one of my credit cards.

    I'm sorry this happened.

  10. tabs Says:

    I love my family, but I trust NOBODY with my finances. I'm sorry to hear that. If I was in your situation, I would sever all financial ties with her.

  11. rob62521 Says:

    I am very sorry to hear this, but don't let her guilt you into feeling bad. She messed up and she's trying to make you feel awful instead of taking responsibility. As for the trip, I think I would postpone it and say since she already has had the pleasure of spending money on the credit card, it has to be paid off, so you are using THAT money to pay it off. Perhaps that will also allow things to settle down. Otherwise, I would predict there will be more guilt as she implies she didn't have as much to gamble with and it could have been more fun, etc.

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