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Planning to Fail?

November 13th, 2014 at 07:34 am

SO and I had an interesting discussion the other day. I brought up the idea of taking full financial responsibility for our future puppy in order to maintain total claim over him should something happen between SO and I. His reaction took me by surprise. He asked me to reconsider that because he feels like if we make all these preparations to fail, it's almost like making it more acceptable to happen which in turn may make it more likely to happen. (He was also a little caught off-guard that I thought he was the kind of person who would take my dog away which I don't, but you never know.) I can definitely see his point...it just caught me off guard since I thought he'd appreciate having fall-back plans in place. It affirmed even more my feelings that this is right and I need to stop worrying so much, but after seeing so many failed relationships, I can't help but plan to protect myself in the event things don't work out. Am I crazy? Should I keep some plans in place, but relax on the puppy?

5 Responses to “Planning to Fail?”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    I can see both sides. You are not yet married, so I think it is okay to have a plan, but it doesn't need to be a big deal or something you focus on with EVERYTHING. The puppy is a family member so I don't think it hurts to have a clear plan, like you would with children.

    If you buy a couch together...you just need to figure out the split later IF that happens.

  2. butterscotch Says:

    When you get your puppy (hopefully from a shelter) someone will need to sign adoption documents. That person will be the legal owner of the dog. Just make sure you are the one who signs the papers. If you buy from a breeder Frown someone will have to sign the registration papers, so same story.
    I don't feel like you should take full financial responsibility for the dog, like shots and food while you guys are together. That should be a shared expense while you guys are together and enjoying the dog. But should you break up, and I am sorry but most people do, you will have the original ownership paperwork of the dog as your claim.
    Just make sure you sign the paperwork and you don't even have to have the sad conversation of "what if".

  3. doingitallwrong Says:

    Some people feel the same way about a prenuptial agreement. I wouldn't focus on taking full financial responsibility for the dog -- then it's 'your dog' that happens to live with the SO. I think it's probably clear by now that if anything happens, you're taking the dog. Wink So let it be "our dog" and assume the best with your relationship. (It really is no different, other than the emotional aspect, than buying a couch together, as ccf said; it's "ours" unless someday there is no "us", and then you figure out what to do.)

    Legal ownership is a different matter; some shelters and many rescues retain legal ownership of the dogs they place. A responsible breeder will have a clause in their contract that they will always take the dog back, no matter what, and that you're required to notify them first before you sell or get rid of the dog, but legally you are the owner. Either source is a valid option for a dog/puppy, but they aren't necessarily interchangeable. Don't let anyone guilt you into make a choice that isn't right for you. Smile

  4. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    It sounds like he's been doing some abundance work. The theory is that "what you think about comes about". So if you focus on joy and abundance then that's what you'll manifest.

  5. debt-free by thir-ty Says:

    Thanks everyone for the comments! Those are some great points. I'd always just thought the reason break-ups are so difficult (besides the emotional side) is having to divvy up everything that was 'ours'. I guess I need to stop worrying so much about it, especially because I truly think we'll go the distance.

    And butterscotch, his stipulations were that it's a rescue and young enough for us to train completely. Mine was that it's a large breed. We both agree that we want a male. Fixed, of course. Other than those things, our hearts are completely open to the one that steals them.

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