Remember
this? Well, she's just done it again. Some sob story about paying the little brother's rent and now being short on both the car and electricity. Yada, yada, yada. I know I shouldn't complain after all she's sacrificed for me growing up, but it's just frustrating that I'm trying so hard to not end up like her, and she keeps bringing me down. Supposedly, her sister is loaning her enough money to take all the stuff out of the pawn shop because 'that's money I could have used for these bills', but she says that and then a month later when she falls short, she throws her stuff right back in. It's a really toxic cycle that I want to avoid at all costs.In other news, I've been thinking a lot about the moving fund/paying my car off/Vegas savings debate. I think over the next few months, I'm going to drop my car to the minimum per paycheck and make two full minimum payments/month. All else will go to the moving fund minus what I already planned to put away for Vegas. As soon as my moving fund hits 3k (should be right around September), I'll go back to my car.
My new goals for the remainder of 2014 are:
- Replenish 1k Emergency Fund
- Moving Fund - 3k
- Car - Paid off
- No additional accrual of credit card debt
June 30th, 2014 at 01:42 pm 1404135758
You will get where you need to go faster if you can be strong and say no to your mother. Personally, as a mother, I would be proud of you for taking care of yourself and would not my issues to derail you. If you are going to help, only offer what you feel is extra and if it is only $20 then that is all you offer. Do not take money from your goals...especially this new moving fund!!
June 30th, 2014 at 03:08 pm 1404140926
The moving fund will be totally safe. I don't even touch the emergency fund when I help her because that's meant for my emergencies.
June 30th, 2014 at 04:28 pm 1404145711
Perhaps it's time for role reversal. Mom needs an Intervention. Will brother and anyone she respects help you read the riot act? Just when does she plan to have her chronological age meet being a mature, responsible for her decisions, adult? How about putting herself on a belt tightening Budget with no impulse buying until she can pay her basic living expenses. Sale items aren't savings or fun when they take away the ability to pay utilities. She needs to make a change like hold a yard sale and sell as much as possible. Yeah, usually pennies on the dollar but once spent, money is not retrievable.
At the very least, I hope you decline to create profit for Pawn Shops.
June 30th, 2014 at 04:49 pm 1404146960
A few years ago she asked for $2500 to help with various things including getting a divorce. We were more stable financially and my partner approved of the divorce, so we "loaned" the $2500. I viewed it as a gift even though the mom swore she'd pay it back, and I'm glad I did -- we haven't seen a penny of it. I told my partner if her mom didn't pay us back, this would be the only "loan" she'd ever get from us, but that if she did pay it back I'd consider it an escrow account that she could borrow from again. Well, she made it easy by not paying any of it back.
A few months ago she started bringing up the possibility of moving to our city -- not asking us what we thought of it, just telling us that she was trying to get a job in our city so she could move there. She even said that when her sister asked what would happen if she had a health crisis or some other problem in the new city, she told her we would take care of her. Not asking us if we wanted this responsibility, just telling us! Finally my partner called her and used some subtle manipulation to convince her not to move out here. I was terrified at the prospect of having her closer to us and hence feel more entitled to making us help her out financially!
Lest I sound like a monster, it would be a different thing if she were frugal and tried her best to save and THEN had some crisis hit where she needed money. It's the fact that she's careless and terrible with money and that's why she needs help. Feels like throwing our own well-managed money down a sinkhole.
June 30th, 2014 at 05:00 pm 1404147658
Ceejay, I definitely relate to your story and am so glad I'm not the only one who experiences this. I do believe that some of my mom's problems come from not making enough. (I still to this day can't believe she ever supported the 4 of us on 25k/yr.) But I also think a lot of it could be prevented if she were a little more careful/discerning about where her money goes.
July 1st, 2014 at 02:20 am 1404181238
I'm not justifying it just explaining the mentality. IT's a tough thing to break.