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Rough Week

July 21st, 2017 at 12:15 pm

Just a quick check in, this week sucked. Like Klarose's friend, I have a family that is constantly asking for money, and I continually help even to my own detriment. My mom actually called earlier this week for $470 to catch up her personal property taxes. She offered to set up an $80/month direct deposit to me and to keep it open after the $470 is paid to start paying me back for everything else. I told her I'd talk to my husband, but then I knew it'd cause an argument, so I decided not to tell him. I called her back and while explaining that I hated her for putting me in the uncomfortable situation where I was keeping things from my husband, I burst into tears. I basically told her that if she had the nerve to ask for money again before every single cent was paid back, I'd change my phone number and essentially cut her out of my life because I can't tell her no and she can't stop asking me for money. She told me not to keep things from my husband and that she'd figure something out.

Of course, I immediately called my husband (still in tears) and told him everything. The next day, I took DD1 to the vet for his shots/wellness exam. Total cost: $500+. They checked his tail because it's been limp for a few months now and asked me to come in the next day for xrays.

Lo and behold, my poor baby boy (not so much a baby since he's 8, but still...) has bone cancer in the base of his tail. They'll have to remove it next week, but the chest and abdomen xrays don't show signs of it spreading, so here's hoping that the tail amputation will take care of it. Cost for that: $1400.

I still have to take DH's car in next week to see about the tire. Patching it would be ideal, but if it needs replacing, the cost would be $400+.

As if that wasn't enough, I found out last night from my brother that lives with me that my mom decided to cut me out of her life first and is now using his bank account's overdraft protection to cover the money she needed.

11 Responses to “Rough Week”

  1. CB in the City Says:

    I am so sorry. That was really a rough week. You did the right thing with your mom. You expressed the truth of what an uncomfortable position she put you in, and you expressed your emotions. She needs to know this. You are not her bank, and you are not her parent.

  2. patientsaver Says:

    Oh, I'm so sorry, Jazzy.

    I am so proud of you for telling your mother how you really feel. It must have been very difficult and you must have been under a lot of stress with being asked for money and your loyalty to your husband. You did the right thing.

    I hope your cat (?) is okay.

    Your mother needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own life.

    Hugs.

  3. Myfinancekits Says:

    Sorry for the rough week. I quite connect with your feelings. It is not easy when instead of getting help, all you get is people making demands on you. Well, I will say taht you help your mom within what you are able to do. Nevertheless, I will not encourage you to go into debt for any reason. If you can't afford to do certain things for people, they will understand, if they actually care about you.

  4. Out of the Dark Says:

    Thoughts and prayers. Remember, knee jerk reactions always hurt the most. In time, I am sure your mother will understand the error of her ways.

    Good luck on the cat!

  5. snafu Says:

    I too am sorry to learn your mom still has not and will not make the effort to get control of her spending. When you declined yet another of so many bail outs, she moved to an even more vulnerable younger brother's bank account. How is he to manage the constant overdraft? The banks add interest and repetitive charges to overdraft. DB will be underwater before he's barely established. Once credit rating drops, it affects everything. Employers will check credit rating of prospective employee. Jobs he desires and even promotions will be denied.

    Loan officers automatically increase everything. Fees for processing applications are added and much higher interest rates are automatically imposed. Credit card fees and interest rates go astronomical. All these extra costs drag down brother's ability to make choices...it's a horrible carousel. It's very difficult to stop. Mom has demolished the culture of family helping family by endless bail out. She know she will need to pay property tax, it's a repetitive cost. You'd be horrified at the percentage of income mom pays out in fees and interest on the debt carousel.

    I hope you can convince DB to flat out refuse.

  6. MonkeyMama Says:

    ((HUGS))

    Sounds like you did the best you could do given the circumstances.

  7. My English Castle Says:

    Oh man,Jazzy, that has been a bad week. Wishing you peace amid this storm. You know you're doing the right thing, and it would have been a bad move to put your mom between you and your husband.

  8. creditcardfree Says:

    ((Hugs)) I'm so sorry that money has to be a problem in the relationship with your mother. It was very wise to tell your husband. Wishing your dog good health after surgery.

  9. rob62521 Says:

    I am so sorry. You are having a rough patch. I'm sorry about your Furbaby.

    I think you were wise to talk to your husband and come clean. As for your mom, well, her true colors are showing. Since you aren't going to bankroll her, she has decided she doesn't' want anything to do with you. As hurtful as that is on so many levels, I am so very sorry. Sometimes the motto "No good deed goes unpunished" rings true. You were the good person and unfortunately you were stepped on and used.

  10. Bluebird Says:

    I hope your DD1 can get through this health issue and have a quick, full recovery. I don't want to offend you, but your mom is emotionally and mentally abusive to you. I can't ever imagine doing the things she's done to you, to my children or anyone else, for that matter. I remember reading many of your posts in the past and on many occasions you have also paid for trips for her, etc. I've been through a similar situation with my mom, and I have to keep her at arms length for my own well being. You did the right thing by not loaning her the money. Please don't let her pressure you in the future. She is a grown woman and should be able to take care of herself.

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    Wow, you have had a rough week. I hope DD1's cancer is taken care of.

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